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whirring and clicking knobs and cogs
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| Meet and greet the Hewkarski-pantses |
[29 Aug 2006|04:25am] |
My family is bothering me about how many of my friends will be attending the celebration of my recent nuptuals, that they're planning for Saturday, the 23rd of September. It will probably be a dinner, around 5 or 6pm, at a location yet to be disclosed in Maple Ridge. Either a restaurant, or they might hire a hall or something and have it catered.
If you are interested in celebrating the best thing that has ever happened to me, and eating some free food, rsvp by whatever means seems most appropriate to you.
p.s. no gifts. (If you must, you can give us money. We are going to be poor, poor bastards.)
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| The Lizardiest Guy I Know - 2006 |
[29 Jul 2006|09:24pm] |
| [ |
music |
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Dead Milkmen - The Puking Song |
] |
The recipient for this year's Lizardiest Guy I Know Award has been officially finalised, in a stunning landslide victory. Walter Edward Lizard a.k.a. "Wallysaurus Rex" recieved an astonishing 100% of one official votes.
Wally is a Central Bearded Dragon, or pogona vitticeps (cl:reptilia ord:squamata sord:sauria fam:agamidae). He spends most of his time being awesome, eating insects (mainly crickets and mealworms), eating salad, sleeping, pooping, bearding up, waving to visitors, waving to nothing, molting, basking on his branch, walking around, digging holes and sleeping so soundly he looks dead. I've had him since May 17th, at which point I would estimate he was about 10 inches long, and kinda skinny. He looked a lot like this picture, it being taken at the time:
In the next month, he ate many bugs. In fact he has been known to eat as many as 20 adult crickets and 55 mealworms in one sitting. He also eats large piles of assorted baby salad greens that are usually about the same size as him, about once daily. This steady diet of delicious arthropods and greenery have resulted in many giant poops and steady growth. One month after I had him, he had grown to a length of 13.5 inches and was rapidly filling out. Today he is about a quarter inch shy of 15 inches and is looking very happy and well fed, as shown by this picture, taken this morning:
His feet are red with desert sand because after he poops he likes to run through his water dish and flail around sometimes, which he did today.
Here's to you Wally! The Lizardiest Guy I Know!
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| I'm cross-posting my Myspace blog because I'm too lazy to come up with original content |
[26 Jul 2006|11:13pm] |
and also, more of my here friends read this than that.
So, I had a brain revelation the other day, and instead of "Fuck this" I'm going with "Fuck 'Fuck this'". I applied the hell out of a big competition at work that could result in me getting both a permanent job, and a sweet raise. I eleven-paged that asshole. There's a lot more steps to come if I get screened in, but it's a big start if you know how famously bad I am about caring about the future.
I'm also finally getting my apartment in order. I spent five hours cleaning today, and I actually made the commitment of sticking things to my fridge. This weekend I'm even going to move in the rest of my furniture and stop living half out of piles and boxes. I guess I've decided to have a home rather than a place that I sleep when I can't be somewhere more fun.
I'm making lists of things that I need to do and actually plan on checking them off. I'm enjoying the order of things again, and it's pretty awesome.
On a different note, Sharon will be here in 9 days. She's coming in at 22:52 on Friday, the 4th of August. I haven't yet solidified my plan for what happens in the 3 day weekend that she arrives, except that it's going to be awesomefuckingtastic. I haven't even figured out how I'm getting to the airport. We may or may not stay around Vancouver-ish for a day or two, so if you would like to see me and my creepily-similar-in-mannerism, make-outy-soul-sister, let me know and maybe we can work something out.
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| Fuck this shit |
[16 Jul 2006|04:22am] |
I probably want this to be happening
I never update on lj, but this is for peoplr over here that haven't seen my special lady. Eleven years is a long time.
Fuck this, seriously.
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| I like Mike |
[27 Mar 2006|05:40am] |
He gave me this comic he found in some paper.
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| news is pretty much the same size |
[20 Mar 2006|12:26pm] |
Exciting news! I have both pneumonia, and a myspace account. On the outset these two things may not seem related, but they have to be if you think about it for a minute, idiots. There are lame, but recent, webcam pictures of myself on there too. The funny part is that if you don't have a myspace, you have to sign up to look. Tom is an asshole.
I am so bored of being sick, and doing nothing but being sick, that I better just fucking die if I don't get better.
Good news is that, today, I am actually feeling a bit better.
Having a few days of spare time has given me time to read about math some, which I like. Scholz gave me a book about a kid that likes math (and dogs, but not finding dogs with garden forks in them), and I remembered why I liked math and science in the first place. Logic sure kicks the ass of feelings and/or social convention. Fuck yeah! (Note that typing "Fuck yeah" is a logical expression of feeling good by emphasizing the affirmative with a word frowned on by social convention).
I'd like to spend more time, and I will have it now that I live alone, thinking and talking about things that I don't understand, or that do not make sense, but are anyway. Expect me to annoy you if I care for your opinions.
You have all been served notice.
Also, I have a new telephone number and email address, let me know if you need these.
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| Boring update |
[08 Oct 2005|07:29pm] |
So people have been asking what I do now.
I work.
I got a term at Corrections until the end of March, so I make like $2600 a month, and go to sleep at 10pm every night because I'm too tired. On the weekends I make people like that Darian guy play poker with me while I get progressively drunker and drunker.
I bought new glasses and a watch so that I can tell you the time if you ask me.
I look like this now:
Scholz said he was afraid of me having new glasses, so maybe this will soften the blow if he sees it in a blurry jpeg beforehand.
edit -- Don't be fooled by how happy I look in the last picture, I started laughing at how lame I was taking webcam pictures of myself smoking with my new glasses on. I'm still a miserable bastard, don't worry.
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| So.. |
[27 Sep 2005|06:53am] |
I was sitting in an elegantly apointed parlour, with my two close friends, Sean and Scholz. We were all wearing 3 piece suits, Sean was sporting a monacle. Everything had that high-contrast, almost silver plated look of a very classy scene in an old film. I went to the pantry to fetch some refreshments for my guests.
Then it happened.
A 10 foot tall Jay Leno came smashing through the plate glass window wielding a large one handed battle-hammer, the head of which was roughly the size of a man's torso. With an easy swing, he squashed Sean flat as he strolled past, then Scholz. They were both too polite to protest or to dodge. I quickly turned to run for the front door.. then suddenly realised that the situation was more hilarious than frightening.
I turned around and was squashed as flat as my guests, and I woke up.
So now I'm in an unusually good mood and off to work, looking forward to eating my montreal smoked meat sandwich with dijon mustard and horseradish at a picnic table while reading a book at lunch.
Being an adult isn't so bad, I guess.
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| Scholz has a birthday too. |
[09 Jul 2005|09:14am] |
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mood |
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Can't sleep in |
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You should all celebrate it by smoking a cigarette and eating an animal, as our wayward Scholz has given up both.
Oh, and I made an interesting observation in my new gov't sponsored employment counselling dealie-hoo:
We were asked to think up a bunch of "positive experiences" and write about them. Little did I know, the next day we shared them with the group. Mine looked like this:
Spending time with my 5 year old neice, teaching her to read.
My relationship with my father, conversations about mutual respect.
etc.
Everyone else's looked like this:
At my (insert job) I did (something) to achieve (some result having to do with saving money/time).
Ditto.
More of the same.
I am workbot 2000, validate, neeee-arrrhhhh.
It was surreal, and made me feel like a weirdo for not basing my existence on productivity at work.
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| Going out is silly |
[01 Jul 2005|04:35am] |
The highlight of my evening = flailing armed Bruce being really excited to see me. Scholz bought me drinks with all of his rich stuff, I appeciate that. People that were cool were, and they can feel special that I liked them. I'm such a self-serving asshole it makes me want to throw up more than the nachos I just ate. Sean's house looks like your mom's, only smells more like farts. I hope those weirdos don't eat Jacquie before I do, her calves look pretty tasty.
I drank double fisted kokanees, smoked some smokes, even had some girl grab my nads.. Clubs full of pretentious assholes trying to look cooler than each other... another day in paradise.
I don't get how some people do that shit every night, I'd blow my fucking brains out.
Don't get me wrong. I had fun, but I'm going to sleep for 2 days now, and think about how much people scare me.
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| Ridiculous Dream Update |
[31 May 2005|11:09am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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In case you were wondering, I've still been having them.
Today's episode: A Genital Illusion
I woke up, and to my surprise I had turned black while I was sleeping! While my mind raced, trying to figure out this strange turn of events, Jessica tells me that she had had a revelation while she was sleeping. Heretofore, Jessica was only to date black men.
A lucky coincidence!
So, the reason Jessica made her decision was mainly the myth of the legendary black penis, so I drop trow and we check it out.. She claims that my erect penis is actually smaller than it was before. I insist that it is an optical illusion, as black is known to be slimming.
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| 6:55am |
[18 Mar 2005|06:55am] |
Well, today is the very last day of my practicum, and I have no idea whether or not i'm going to get a job out of the deal.. damned if i'm actually gonna miss the gals at the office.
Now then, the end of something usually makes a good excuse to "celebrate" by drinking a lot of beer, someone do something fun where I can do that this weekend, please. Ok, doesn't even have to be that fun, as long as I can have some ones.
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| some news |
[05 Mar 2005|09:23am] |
I'm pretty much done girl school. I've just finished my first week of practicum, out of three. It is bizarre to work where everyone doesn't stink, swear, and threaten to punch you.
I get up at 6:15am, Monday to Friday, some nights I went to bed at like 9:30.
I'm pretty sure this is why "adults" are generally less pleasant than "man-child slackers".
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| A lot of these aren't 100's |
[05 Mar 2005|09:09am] |
The Commonly Confused Words Test
Test address: http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=14457200288064322170
by shortredhead78
Advanced
You scored 100% Beginner, 86% Intermediate, 100% Advanced, and 72% Expert!
You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.
Also, 28 year old males are stupid, as evidenced by these statistics:
Test statistics:
Compared to users who took the test and are and in your age group:
100% had lower Beginner scores.
100% had lower Intermediate scores.
100% had lower Advanced scores.
100% had lower Expert scores.
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| Wanted in Eight States of Awareness |
[09 Dec 2004|08:08am] |
Last night's dream featured a store in a strip mall with no signage outside. When I entered I discovered that all the sold was various articles bearing the slogan "I'm rubber, and you a Jew." T-shirts, hats, pen and pencil sets, commemorative plates, they had it all.
When I had had a chance to walk in and take in the scene, the guy behind the counter pointed to his head and said, "Think about it."
A curious sidenote: He was wearing a shirt that said "Viva my Anus!" on it. It must have been casual Fridat or something.
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| cough |
[07 Dec 2004|08:20am] |
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anyone else notice that their toilet paper lasts disturbingly long now that her royal twatness lives in London?
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| I don't know |
[15 Nov 2004|07:33pm] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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I'm tired of playing my 2 versions of everquest that I play, but I'm not tired of smoking. That's what I do now, you see, play video games and smoke cigarettes. I occasionally attend classes in my free time.
After I get my certificate it's looking like I'll have a good chance at landing a job working for corrections canada, they start you at $32-35k a year and have full medical and 80% dental. This is good as my teeth have holes in them. I'll be working in an actual prison complex, complete with real criminals to look at, some even wiping down my telephone or emptying my garbage. Apparently most of the term job openings are in the high end jail, the one with the 2 big fences and armed guards and metal detectors and murderers and rapists galore. I'm told I'll walk through the yard where they play jacks or kickball or whatever these young hooligans do on their lunch breaks. I don't think that really concerns me, people rarely get stabbed there, and things are pretty dull lately anyway.
I miss seeing all my stupid friends every weekend. I'm still entertaining the idea of obtaining a license to pilot one of those awful careening steel death machines, so I can come see you more often. I doubt I will though.
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nodges's journal
